I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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