sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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