Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
