I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
