I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
So much rum. So many feels.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Randomize
