thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
