I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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