so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
