why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
