someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
