if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
