Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
