I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
