Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I looked at my own cervix.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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