Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Please don't give away my fajitas
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