She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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