Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
