Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
