What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
