"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
