Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
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