You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
