Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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