i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
