May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
