I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
