therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
