Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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