his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
