Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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