Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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