so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
