So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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