This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Sorry about my life...
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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