You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
