Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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