I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
