If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
