thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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