I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
