I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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