Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
