last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Randomize
