Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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