so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
