Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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