Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
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