My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
