Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
