In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
