I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
