dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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